The Waffles

Ingredients

• 14 tubes of sunscreen (excessive? maybe.)
• 2 waffles
• Baby beach toys ie floaties, shovels, buckets (these will sit untouched as babies prefer to spend their time doing things like eating sand)
• 2 blankets
• 1 cooler
• 1 pair of sand proof, heatproof sandals (I have never seen these, but if they exist purchase stock in them immediately)
• 572 million tons of sand (give or take)

Instructions

1. Slather on sunscreen. Chase baby around the house to ensure he is covered from head to toe. Baby may put up resistance, push through. Word of caution: after baby is covered they will be slippery, also sunscreen spots do not look good on clothing.
2. Pack beach bag. It should be about to rip its seams or else you have not done this correctly. Wrap up waffles - the key here is stealth. If baby sees the waffles, they will want one immediately - they will be relentless about this. 
3. Place hat on baby. Baby will most likely rip off hat and throw it on the floor. Proceed to cover baby’s head with sunscreen - it makes a great hair gel.
4. Pack car. At the last possible second, corral baby into car seat . When he protests, provide distractions - keys, ribbon, granola bar wrappers - whatever you can find.
5. Take scenic drive to beautiful beach - baby will not appreciate the beauty, do not let this deter you.
6. Upon arrival, unpack and drag all toys, bags, blankets, floaties, coolers, etc.  to the beach. Caution: sand will be hot and will burn your feet - walk quickly.
7. Spread out blanket and sit baby down. Be aware that baby will then be-line for the fire sand. Babies are attracted to danger. They are also very fast - be faster. Slather on more sunscreen - this is a great technique for attracting all.the.sand.
8. Relax and enjoy the sea air, the waves, and the sun. You do not have long before the baby will need to nurse. Be ready to trek back through the sand to the car. By this time your feet will hopefully be immune or numb to the scorching rock pieces known as sand.